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She left me severely wounded and bleeding in my heart

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Laurell K. Hamilton once said, “Nothing turns to hate so bitter as what once was love.” This opinion is popular, since most who have had to deal with truncated relationships posit that the line between love and hate is quite thin.

Dealing with breakups is an uphill task, an art as tricky as a wrestling match between John Cena and Dwayne Johnson; you never can be too sure of the outcome.

Sometimes, the relationships we hold unto loosely, believing we would have no qualms getting over them end up sticking right there at the core of our hearts, never getting off. Other times, the speed with which we brush off the ache of ‘special relationships’ turned sour stupefies the conclusions we made prior.

Some years back when I was in college, I sauntered into a beautiful dating relationship that ended up a total disaster. We were both in different colleges but we met in a mutual friend’s residence during a holiday.

We became friends and everything else fell into place at a pretty fast pace (perhaps, if I was thoughtful enough, this in itself was warning enough). Eventually, I made my intentions known to her and we arrived at a consensus and made things official.

Everything moved so fast. Before long, we were already enmeshed in fantasies of the home we would build together. We talked about a possible wedding date and year which was five years ahead of us, our wedding colors and fashion designs, the number of kids we were going to have, etcetera.

In fact, I already saw her family as in laws and she saw mine in the same light. We already had a picture of the home we would share, the names our children should bear and a plan of how we would make the rest of the world envious of our love and how we would be models for others in relationships (you might think we were too haughty but to us at that juncture, our claims were nothing short of reality).

After less than two months of our romance, we ran into unanticipated crisis. By this time, we had both returned to our separate colleges. She began to act up, ignoring my texts, missing my calls and never calling back.

She was active on social media but she acted like I was nonexistent, like I wasn’t there or anywhere else. It dawned on me that there was someone else or there were many others who had replaced me. I wrote her several times complaining of how badly she had been treating me, until she was pissed enough to respond with a break up threat.

Since her threat could not stop me from nagging, she eventually broke up with me. It was the most dazing period of my life; I could not figure out how paradise could quickly translate to hell. At the end, we disliked each other and she left me severely wounded and bleeding in my heart.

On the sun-free morning when I saw her break up texts, I took advantage of the chilly rainy season weather to work out with my earplugs stuck in as I jogged on the walkways within my college, to the loud rhythm of music in my ears. I hoped the loudness would super-impose its authority on my heart, silencing the injuries ravaging it.

For a moment, I felt like life had come to its end. Everything came to a halt, tumbling down to silence (school, work, social life, etc). I thought I could never get over her. I thought there was nothing to live for anymore. I thought an entire life time would not be enough for my heart to heal. I thought love or life or both were over for me.

However, on the contrary, I was utterly aghast at how fast my heart healed and I bounced back to normal. Even after just a couple of days, I could feel the super firm grip of grief loosening up. Barely one week afterwards, it dawned on me that things would not be as terrible for me as I thought they would.

Sometimes, people linger too much in the dreadful state of breakup’s aftermath only because they deliberately struggle too much with thoughts of the process that has just left them hurt.

Trust me, it is always safe to leave toxic relationships (I have been in many). Leaving and getting over such relationships is way easier than most would want to believe. Having the consciousness that your life needs to move on regardless of whatever hurt you are going through is enough to heal it sometimes.

Dealing with breakups can be very tricky, but you can use its trick to your own advantage by persuading your mind with these words: it is easier than people speak of it to be. Once your heart sees the need to move on, you would be fine in just a matter of time.

#Heartbreak #BrokenHeart #Breakup

MN Magazine

MN Magazine

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